Wednesday, May 20, 2015


It seems pretty dumb to swoon over a man who will chase you down in an airport when the creator of the universe, the one who deeply understands all of  the law, let a part of himself die to make things right between us.

That's love.

Sunday, May 10, 2015


My kids were too excited to sleep this morning. They couldn't wait to give me gifts for mother's day. But they still let me sleep till almost 9 and than brought me up a bowl of muesli with extra dates and raisins and almond milk and a handful of cards and flowers they picked from the grass. So beautiful and charming and funny.

Everyone came over for late brunch and Bob did a great job putting together six quiches, a casserole. Lovely.

Tonight after Bob read some bedtime books, Marley, Solo and I were looking out the window, smelling the insane delicious tree scent coming in from the backyard and listening to the cardinal who was at the top of the tree singing like crazy. And we talked about being birds that can fly where ever we want and pooping on cars... Ok the conversation might have been a little weird, but the air smelled good and the sunset was pretty.

I love being a mom!

And I love all the other moms in my life. My mom being foremost of course. Thanks Mom!
And remembering my grandmas that I got  to know, wondering about those I didn't.

So Happy Mother's Day! And Happy Birthday Dad!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Speak and give

So the Five Love Languages has been a very popular book for awhile. I read it when Marley was a baby and I remember thinking that for something that tried to simplify something extremely complicated, it did a pretty good job. It basically states that we all give love in  different ways and that we want to receive love in different ways and that we should work to identify the appropriate way to express love to each other to fill each other's "love tank".

Tonight I was reading Romans 3 and that book came to mind.

It's as though the way God gives love (or speaks love) is through the sacrifice of His son. The way we can give or speak love back is with the law. We demonstrate our love by attempting to remain true to the law. I love you and Your word is perfect so I will obey.

This is how my brain understands the relationship (and has for a long time) I believe it's correct. I have found nothing yet to refute it in the Bible.

Romans 3:10-30 NIRV

It is written, "No one is right with God, no one at all.  No one understands. No one trusts in God.  All of them have turned away. They have all become worthless. No one does anything good, no one at all." (Psalms 14:1-3; 53:1-3; Ecclesiastes 7:20)  "Their throats are like open graves. With their tongues they tell lies." (Psalm 5:9) "The words from their lips are like the poison of a snake." (Psalm 140:3)  "Their mouths are full of curses and bitterness." (Psalm 10:7)  "They run quickly to commit murder.  They leave a trail of failure and pain.  They do not know the way of peace." (Isaiah 59:7,8)  "They don't have any respect for God." (Psalm 36:1)  What the law says, it says to those who are ruled by the law. Its purpose is to shut every mouth and make the whole world accountable to God. So it can't be said that anyone will be made right with God by obeying the law. Not at all! The law makes us more aware of our sin.  But now God has shown us how to become right with him. The Law and the Prophets give witness to this. It has nothing to do with obeying the law. We are made right with God by putting our faith in Jesus Christ. That happens to all who believe. It is no different for the Jews than for anyone else. Everyone has sinned. No one measures up to God's glory. The free gift of God's grace makes all of us right with him. Christ Jesus paid the price to set us free. God gave him as a sacrifice to pay for sins. So he forgives the sins of those who have faith in his blood. God did all of that to prove that he is fair. Because of his mercy he did not punish people for the sins they had committed before Jesus died for them. God did that to prove in our own time that he is fair. He proved that he is right. He also made right with himself those who believe in Jesus.  So who can brag? No one! Are people saved by obeying the law? Not at all! They are saved because of their faith. We firmly believe that people are made right with God because of their faith. They are not saved by obeying the law.  Is God the God of Jews only? Isn't he also the God of those who aren't Jews? Yes, he is their God too. There is only one God. When those who are circumcised believe in him, he makes them right with himself. When those who are not circumcised believe in him, he also makes them right with himself.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


The colours of the sunset, the smell of spring flowers, the rush of the wind in the trees, the glitter of fresh snow. All amazing.

None of those stop me in my tracks the way a sky full of stars do. The crescent moon barely visible above the trees. A subject that inspires awe and confidence in artists. Here is something simple and beautiful, that encompasses both an immeasurably large scale of grandness and yet demonstrates the importance of tiny detail. Look closely at any part of God's creation and you will find this to be true. But for me, it's the night sky that brings me to tears. He loves me. The moon is perfectly aligned, wobbling and spinning in space, keeping my life from hurtling hellbent into the sun. The brightness reflecting into the time of darkness to give hope and yet so gentle...

In Heaven there will be no night. The Lord will be the light. I will not miss the night, nor the moon or stars because of the awe and love I will feel while worshipping the Lord. Right now, I cannot comprehend it, loving a place without this amazing sight. Cannot and yet I say, with every confidence, that I long for that place with no night sky.

Monday, April 20, 2015


It doesn't matter how many resources I have because God's power is infinite.
Personal freedom is important but not to the exclusion of other things; like the freedom of others or what I believe in. Things that are worth dying for, are also worth living for.
The thing I'm supposed to be doing isn't always easier than what I'm already doing.
The love and support of the person who trains you is easy to taste for granted.
Making jokes about my personal flaws makes it harder to change them.
Sometimes I have to engage in conversation when I don't want to because I love the person who is talking.
I have to love people who lie to me and insult my intelligence. I love them because God loved me and because I have my own flaws.

Sometimes I spend money to make myself feel better, but because the amounts are so tiny I have been able to justify it. Because "retail therapy" is a joke, I have not tried to change.

I find it difficult to not make lewd jokes. Because it used to be how I got attention. If you were not the prettiest you were supposed to be funny and if it had shock value, even better.

I am vain. Very vain.
I get super angry when hungry, tired, hormonal, getting yelled at. I use it as an excuse to yell at people.
I judge people who don't parent like I do. I try not to most of the time. Sometimes I fail.
These are some things that have come up for me lately. I'm in a weird place in my personal development. I certainly feel like I am on the cusp. That sounds like a positive description but it isn't meant to be. Something needs to change. Stagnation is death. I'm not bored, I'm not obviously backsliding, I'm not progressing. The gentle spirit eludes me.
I'm deeply blessed and my life is amazing. I will start with gratitude tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015


'This world perfect.'
There needs to be a word for that. As good as it gets sounds so negative.

The last couple of days have been perfect. Waking up slow with a jumble of kids in my bed, eating breakfast, doing outside chores, having imagination adventures, painting for pleasure, health (not counting the colds), hot dogs, watermelon, time to read together, sunshine, mild weather, breeze, bonfires. Famiiiiily. I'm so blessed to have one that I love and that loves me. Thank you Father!

Solo : What do you think made dinosaurs distinct? Do you think they got hit by a car? Or were they jumping on their bed? Maybe they got stabbed by a sword...

Bob: (while discussing his outdoor plans) I have to quit calling it a garden. It's a farm with borders.

You heard it first here folks. Jumping on the bed can make you distinct and Bob is a border farmer.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Sage's First Birthday

The fact that it has been now a year and a couple of days since the moment I found out that I, me, myself was going to be delivering my third darling via c-section is full crazy.

It cannot have been that long. Government conspiracy. God is messing with me. Sheer lunacy.

Or maybe it has been that long since she has now begun taking those tentative steps, says words, even strings some words together ('bye-bye' and 'hi there' counts).

What do I know about Sage?

Whatever she wants me to know.
Her emotions are intense and immediate. She is the most possessive non-adult I have ever met. She loves meatballs and raisins (yes, I know, choking hazards, so tasty though...). Her laugh sounds like it comes from somewhere deeper inside the body than laughs typically come from. She likes to dance but prefers to laugh at other people when they dance. When she hears clapping she knows that it is directed toward and in appreciation of her. She may have strawberry blonde hair.

She's a HANDFUL. Two, in fact.
It's not a secret that the baby stage is hard for my go go go personality. But she has been a delight and I've been blessed to have a baby who actually sleeps. I am terrified to be at the point in her life where I have to start teaching her things, things that involve actual teaching and not just redirection.

Friday, March 20, 2015

School. Sage.

What's the real reason I don't have the time I want to read aloud with Marley and Solomon?

My projects?
My attention span?
Sage's possessive crazy-baby business?

I spend a lot of time researching books I want to read with my kids and really... That opportunity to read TOGETHER is starting to get to the far end with Marley. Why am I not making this more of a priority?

It's like the question that keeps popping into my head: why am I sending my kids to a place for 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a week?  Especially a place that doesn't consider the Bible to be acceptable study. A place that doesn't consider the book of Proverbs to be an invaluable source for educating children?

I keep coming up with reasons why I should take more of a power position with their time and education. But I'm afraid. Of raising socially awkward weird kids, of trying to homeschool with no money (or find social supplementary activities I can afford), of losing out on all those cliche school things I did... afraid I won't have time to write.

Thinking "aloud."
I should really be talking about Sage's birthday party. Which we celebrated this evening. It was wonderful. I'll post about that with the pictures tomorrow. Too much brain fog this evening. Goodnight.