Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Awe

The colours of the sunset, the smell of spring flowers, the rush of the wind in the trees, the glitter of fresh snow. All amazing.

None of those stop me in my tracks the way a sky full of stars do. The crescent moon barely visible above the trees. A subject that inspires awe and confidence in artists. Here is something simple and beautiful, that encompasses both an immeasurably large scale of grandness and yet demonstrates the importance of tiny detail. Look closely at any part of God's creation and you will find this to be true. But for me, it's the night sky that brings me to tears. He loves me. The moon is perfectly aligned, wobbling and spinning in space, keeping my life from hurtling hellbent into the sun. The brightness reflecting into the time of darkness to give hope and yet so gentle...

In Heaven there will be no night. The Lord will be the light. I will not miss the night, nor the moon or stars because of the awe and love I will feel while worshipping the Lord. Right now, I cannot comprehend it, loving a place without this amazing sight. Cannot and yet I say, with every confidence, that I long for that place with no night sky.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Dunno

It doesn't matter how many resources I have because God's power is infinite.
...
Personal freedom is important but not to the exclusion of other things; like the freedom of others or what I believe in. Things that are worth dying for, are also worth living for.
...
The thing I'm supposed to be doing isn't always easier than what I'm already doing.
...
The love and support of the person who trains you is easy to taste for granted.
...
Making jokes about my personal flaws makes it harder to change them.
...
Sometimes I have to engage in conversation when I don't want to because I love the person who is talking.
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I have to love people who lie to me and insult my intelligence. I love them because God loved me and because I have my own flaws.
...

Sometimes I spend money to make myself feel better, but because the amounts are so tiny I have been able to justify it. Because "retail therapy" is a joke, I have not tried to change.
...

I find it difficult to not make lewd jokes. Because it used to be how I got attention. If you were not the prettiest you were supposed to be funny and if it had shock value, even better.
...

I am vain. Very vain.
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I get super angry when hungry, tired, hormonal, getting yelled at. I use it as an excuse to yell at people.
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I judge people who don't parent like I do. I try not to most of the time. Sometimes I fail.
...
These are some things that have come up for me lately. I'm in a weird place in my personal development. I certainly feel like I am on the cusp. That sounds like a positive description but it isn't meant to be. Something needs to change. Stagnation is death. I'm not bored, I'm not obviously backsliding, I'm not progressing. The gentle spirit eludes me.
I'm deeply blessed and my life is amazing. I will start with gratitude tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Shiny

'This world perfect.'
There needs to be a word for that. As good as it gets sounds so negative.

The last couple of days have been perfect. Waking up slow with a jumble of kids in my bed, eating breakfast, doing outside chores, having imagination adventures, painting for pleasure, health (not counting the colds), hot dogs, watermelon, time to read together, sunshine, mild weather, breeze, bonfires. Famiiiiily. I'm so blessed to have one that I love and that loves me. Thank you Father!

Solo : What do you think made dinosaurs distinct? Do you think they got hit by a car? Or were they jumping on their bed? Maybe they got stabbed by a sword...

Bob: (while discussing his outdoor plans) I have to quit calling it a garden. It's a farm with borders.

You heard it first here folks. Jumping on the bed can make you distinct and Bob is a border farmer.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Sage's First Birthday

The fact that it has been now a year and a couple of days since the moment I found out that I, me, myself was going to be delivering my third darling via c-section is full crazy.

It cannot have been that long. Government conspiracy. God is messing with me. Sheer lunacy.

Or maybe it has been that long since she has now begun taking those tentative steps, says words, even strings some words together ('bye-bye' and 'hi there' counts).

What do I know about Sage?

Whatever she wants me to know.
Her emotions are intense and immediate. She is the most possessive non-adult I have ever met. She loves meatballs and raisins (yes, I know, choking hazards, so tasty though...). Her laugh sounds like it comes from somewhere deeper inside the body than laughs typically come from. She likes to dance but prefers to laugh at other people when they dance. When she hears clapping she knows that it is directed toward and in appreciation of her. She may have strawberry blonde hair.

She's a HANDFUL. Two, in fact.
It's not a secret that the baby stage is hard for my go go go personality. But she has been a delight and I've been blessed to have a baby who actually sleeps. I am terrified to be at the point in her life where I have to start teaching her things, things that involve actual teaching and not just redirection.






Friday, March 20, 2015

School. Sage.

What's the real reason I don't have the time I want to read aloud with Marley and Solomon?

My projects?
My attention span?
School?
Sage's possessive crazy-baby business?

I spend a lot of time researching books I want to read with my kids and really... That opportunity to read TOGETHER is starting to get to the far end with Marley. Why am I not making this more of a priority?

It's like the question that keeps popping into my head: why am I sending my kids to a place for 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a week?  Especially a place that doesn't consider the Bible to be acceptable study. A place that doesn't consider the book of Proverbs to be an invaluable source for educating children?

I keep coming up with reasons why I should take more of a power position with their time and education. But I'm afraid. Of raising socially awkward weird kids, of trying to homeschool with no money (or find social supplementary activities I can afford), of losing out on all those cliche school things I did... afraid I won't have time to write.

Thinking "aloud."
I should really be talking about Sage's birthday party. Which we celebrated this evening. It was wonderful. I'll post about that with the pictures tomorrow. Too much brain fog this evening. Goodnight.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Comfort

Psalm 37:7-8

Be still. Be patient. Wait for the Lord to act. Don't be upset when other people succeed. Don't be upset when they carry out their evil plans.  Keep from being angry. Turn away from anger. Don't be upset. That only leads to evil.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Girls...

Marley and Solo went to the Happiness Hotel for a fondant flower making party. Robyn taught them how to do it and later I asked Marley to teach me and she says in her best instructor voice, "First you need to buy fondant." To which I reply that I have some that Robyn gave me. Marley than says, "Well if you have a sister nice enough to give you her fondant you take that fondant..."

But she had to pause her instructions because I was laughing so hard.

Sage is almost one. Wild. It goes so fast.
I've enjoyed working on her party. Hope I can say the same about working on her cake in a few days...

Tangled Rapunzel springtime lanterns sparkle party! Very cohesive.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Vacation favorite moments

Being greeted at the airport by a man in wacky glasses, a sunhat, and a large cardboard sign that said 'The Winslows'. (My dad)

Watching Solo battle Darth Vader.

Watching Sage watch the little dolls in Its A Small World and then try to jump (repeatedly) in the water.

When myBob asked the blind guy for directions.

Marley being super brave and excited about riding the Seven Dwarves rollercoaster with Bob.

Marley being super selective with her choice of souvenir.

When the Disney cast member asked my kids for their autographs.

Sitting with my mom on the beach.

Playing Balderdash with my favorite people (and winning).

Eating baked brie and ratatouille for my birthday.

Watching my little sister and her new husband dance their first dance.

When Katie dropped meat in Robyn's toes.